Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Infertility Awareness...Day 4 {Brevard County Photographer}



Many times, when we think of infertility, we automatically think women. We rarely think the men. We see women we know who are on the journey, we immediately vision pregnancy and a women's body. Yet according to studies male infertility is 30% of cases and 40-50% for second time trying. Which is alarming when you think about it. It is either her, him or something unknown. So, if that is the case and he takes up 30% of the cases, it is a pretty even divide among her and the unknown.

In fact, when I search Infertility it automatically takes me to female related issues. I get it. We have more reasons to cause for issues- ovulation issues, cervical issues, PCOS, endometriosis, abnormal periods, and age to name a few. Men on the other hand, their list is much shorter- sperm related issues. And while that list is short there are issues within that list that males can deal with- low sperm count, abnormal sperm, or lifestyle factors that have damaged sperm (heat, injury).

I bring this up because no one ever seems to think that men struggle with it...but they do. In fact most men have the thought process of "fix it". For centuries men are the ones who build things and make it happen. Right? So, when faced with the task of getting their partner pregnant, and it is not happening, regardless if their the cause it takes a toll.

In my own experience, my husband wanted children long before I did. So, when we did begin our journey, it was hard on him as it was for me. He would see lots of other men have tons of children, many times they had multiple children with multiple women and he just wanted one. Even though he was not the cause of our infertility, he still struggled with the "why can't I get her pregnant" thoughts.

Men are left in the dark a little too. They are not the ones going through the cycle like a woman does. They don't experience ovulation or the start of the period to confirm a negative pregnancy. They are really just left to follow our lead. If we don't keep them up to speed, they really don't know all that is going on. The act becomes a chore to them too and loses its luster. I am sure this is probably a conversation most men don't talk about during commercials of the latest sports game, but the reality is it does affect them too.



As for women, it is a whole emotional roller coaster we are on. We live in this 2-week cycle. Two weeks to ovulation, two weeks to wait for positive test. Repeat. It becomes a routine in our minds and we can't escape it. Which when anyone says: "Stop trying" I honestly don't know what they mean. I mean we have to "commit the act" in order to get pregnant and we've learned all the signs of our body to know when to do what, that we can't simply stop and turn everything off.

But beyond the vicious cycle of two weeks, the thoughts women deal with are hard too. You see, we get hopeful, in fact we have to be. Negativity won't help the situation. So we fantasize about it. We think about all the details of "what if it's this month?" We count out the months to see when a child would be born, we think of clever ways to announce it based off the due date and when we find out We think about the names we want to give. We hold on to these names for years sometimes. Hoping one day we will hold a slice of heaven with the name we have chosen. Our life is put in limbo. We want to live and enjoy it but we are bound to the process of planning the details. Is it ok to plan a large trip or will that be when I am too pregnant or will I have a newborn and have to cancel? Committing to things is hard when we anticipate a positive pregnancy test.




The struggles of infertility affect both male and female regardless of what the cause of infertility is. No one is broken. No one is damaged goods. For anyone who is struggling, I pray that the womb is open and your arms are soon filled with a precious little one. I am always here to talk to anyone who need it. I get it. I am there in the trenches with you. Thanks for reading and following us this week. Tomorrow we will have a special post and I cannot wait to share with you.






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