Sadly, women struggling to conceive with these conditions or others conditions unknown also struggle with loss. They become pregnant either quickly or after a long battle only to loose the baby. In fact this is so common that 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage (loss under 20 weeks gestation). That number is very alarming when you think about it. 1 in 4. If you have a close group of friends chances are at least one of you have gone through this. A lot of time this is suffered and dealt with in silence so you may not even be aware of it.
With loss like this comes a wave of emotions and questions...why? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Many times there is zero answers for these women making it harder to cope. Many times this happens during what is called secondary infertility making it even harder to understand. Secondary infertility is when a women conceives a child with no complications or assistance then struggles to conceive and stay pregnant the second time around.
And finally, loss. Thanks to medical advances many babies are born too early due to unexpected circumstances and end up thriving. Other times their fight is stronger than they are. For some women there's a medical issue surrounding the early birth of their baby, and for some there are no answers. Some women have delivered full term babies only to loose them in their first year due to illness, failure to thrive, SIDS and many other issues medicine is working hard to understand.
As I began this project of bringing awareness to infertility I knew I couldn't just focus on that since so many women have dealt with more than just that. So I wanted to bring life to all the issues surrounding this topic as well. I am so thankful for these ladies for sharing their story and helping with this special project. <3 Please remember, you are not alone in this journey and we are hear to help you with the coping process.
Meet Tina....she is 1 in 100
Tina already had a son and wanted to expand her family with one more baby. She was able to conceive naturally and found herself pregnant without any issues.She was so excited when she learned she was pregnant and even more so when she learned she was having a little girl. This news came at the right moment as she had lost her grandmother had recently passed away. Being close she planned to name her daughter Libby after her. Early in the pregnancy she dealt with morning sickness that tappered off into her second trimester. Then at 7 months pregnant she received the worst news of her life. She had lost her sweet daughter Libby. Tina felt like she not only lost her baby but also her grandmother all over again. She delivered her daughter stillborn in 2018. Tina replays the day she found out over and over in her head. It was the first and only appointment she went to alone. There was no family around her as the news was given to her. She said the hardest part of the whole process was leaving the hospital knowing her daughter wasn't coming with her. Here is what she wants others to know about her experience:
The struggle is real but everyday we make the best of it! I chose to have her cremated and had some beautiful jewelry made with her ashes, I also have some of her ashes in my tattoo that I got done for her and we have a beautiful memorial outside our home for her which also has some ashes under a special tree we had planted for her! I still celebrate her and cherish the little memories that I had with her! On her birthday this year was when we did the reveal for our rainbow baby’s gender. We had a cake for Libby for her birthday and when we cut into the cake it was blue! We made it special and will always continue to cherish her and live with her... just becuase she is not physically here with us doesn’t mean she’s not always with us! My 3 year old son knows about her and all of my future children will also know about her. If you ask me how many children do I have I will always say 3 until my next than it will be 4... and so on... I still delivered her and got to hold her and kiss her, I have all of her prints and blanket she was wrapped in... she’s special to me and I will always cherish those little moments I had!
Now Tina awaits the arrival of her sweet rainbow baby. Fear continues to loom in the back of her mind as is reminded of Libby. Praying for a smooth and successful delivery.
Jaimee's first baby, Brooke was a surprise to her and her husband. A sweet surprise to say the least. Jaimee was over the moon knowing she was having a little girl of her own. Things were going fine until 23 weeks what she thought was a rough case of braxton hicks ended up being preterm labor. Her water ended up breaking and by the time she made it to the hospital she was already 7cm dilated. Dr's couldn't stop the labor. Brooke was a strong girl. She was delivered at 12:01am. She fought hard for over 12 hours and passed at 12:15pm. 12 hours seems so short. Half a day. But those 12 hours forever changed Jaimee's life. 12 hours she lived....a beating heart and breathing. The fight to survive at this age is hard and while she gave it her best, the fight was stronger than her. Jaimee learned that she has an incompetent cervix. While this was not the way she wanted to find out, it was good to know for her next two pregnancies. She would have to have her cervix sewn shut until her baby was full term to avoid this happening again. This didn't mean her pregnancies were easy as she was limited on activities and bed rest due to the high risk nature.
Jamiee shares her thoughts and support system:
The hardest part was letting my faith be stronger than my fear. Trusting in God and my care providers to take care of me and my unborn children after such a huge loss was so difficult. But my desire to become a mother ended up being stronger than my fear of the worst happening again. My husband Alec was my #1 supporter. He went with me to grief meetings,almost every doctors appointment,and took care of me after all of my surgeries.
And the most imporant thing Jaimee wants you to understand from her experience is this:
That even though you can’t see our child,they still count. You see two children with me,but I have three. We love hearing you say their name,and most of us love talking about our child. We WANT to talk about them,because talking about them validates their existence. It keeps their memory alive. Please don’t be afraid to talk about our child,we want to know you acknowledge them just as you do our living children. They are part of us.
12 hours on Earth, eternally in our hearts and part of our family! <3
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I like your post. In past people thought that infertility is a female disease but now it is proved that infertility can be more common in males than in females. thanks for sharing this post wiht us.
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