Many times when it comes to infertility the outside world has no clue the person is struggling. In the medical world if you are trying to conceive for more than a year without success then you are considered struggling with infertility. Which is why you probably don't know many women are struggling, as they have quietly dealt with their journey for a year alone. They've gone through the fear of the reasons why, the shame of "am I broken" or "did I do something wrong?" and they don't know how to always say what they are feeling around the subject.
I took on this special project to bring awareness to this topic and share their stories. May this be a beacon of hope for others in the same boat. May you know you are not alone, you are not broken and we are here to support you.
1 in 8....these are the faces....this is their stories.
Diane's biggest support was her husband and mom during this difficult time. Getting pregnant was not an easy feat and the medications used were equally difficult to deal with the changes they caused to her body and hormones.
When asked what she wanted others to know this is what she had to say: "if you’ve never struggled you can tell those who are it will happen when it’s meant to be, that’s not helpful but incredibly hurtful. Telling someone it just wasn’t mean to be is not ok. Asking every time you see them... are you pregnant yet? Or when are you going to have a baby? That isn’t helping either. Struggling to understand why our body “hates us”, why we who want a baby so bad cannot get pregnant but those who don’t want a child can look at a man and get pregnant is extremely painful and takes a toll on our mental health. We don’t want to hear you can just adopt, adoption is expensive and doesn’t allow us the ability to carry a child. If you’ve never struggled we don’t want to made feel broke, we already feel it, just be a friend who listens and let’s us cry/vent or what ever else we need because unfortunately you probably don’t have the answers we need but you have an ear to listen and just be a friend."
Meet Andrea.....she is 1 in 8 and 1 in 4
Andrea and her husband have had their share of heartache over the course of this pregnancy. As she glows with excitement as she anticipates her sweet baby coming soon, the road to get here was not easy.
Unlike Diane, there was no answer for her struggle to get pregnant. They performed numerous tests but no answers which made the struggle even more frustrating. In the course of 8 years, she would experience 6 miscarriages without any explanation as to why. She never gave up and never lost hope despite the fact that 1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage. Finally she conceived naturally and is currently 30 week pregnant. She is thankful for her husband being by her side through this whole journey and never giving up with her. <3
Meet Nichole...she is 1 in 8 and 1 in 4
Nichole's journey has been one filled with heart ache and emptiness as she struggled to conceive and dealt with loss during her pregnancies. Her infertility has been narrowed down to unexplained with a possibility of PCOS and genetic mutation MTHFR gene.
"I suffered a chemical pregnancy I named the baby Sam because I never knew if it was a girl or a boy, I passed the baby at home and it was extremely painful both emotionally and physically. I then started another round of fertility treatments and got pregnant with Alex again named for either a girl or boy, this time was much more painful I watched Alex grow on an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat. My doctor expressed concerns and put me on bed rest and did ultrasounds every 3 days. Alex’s heartbeat did stop which I struggled to accept and even went for second options, this baby was not passing on its own and I had to go throw a d and c procedure.My pregnancy with my first child did have a scare of preterm labor due to a fall however she was born healthy at 36 weeks. My other two pregnancy’s ended in miscarriages. My fourth pregnancy was very hard. I was on bed rest after the iui and for the entire first trimester. I found out I was having twins so I also had to see a high risk doctor. I was in and out of the er and ended up going into preterm labor. They were able to stop it after being in the hospital impatient. They felt confident I could go home and stay in bed rest and medicine. I was discharged on a Friday and woke up on a Saturday and went to the bathroom and my water broke. I was then back in the hospital with a plan of keeping the twins in until 34 weeks and since only baby bs water had broken I was ok. The next morning I woke up in a lot of pain and by noon was rushed into an emergency c section and delivered twins at 28 weeks and 3 days." Nichole is the proud mom to her daughter Vanessa, Twin boys Matthew and Maverick and angel babies Sam and Alex. During this season of life she is thankful for husband for all his support: "Without him I would of given up, He wiped tears and never once made me feel like I was any of less a woman or a partner. There was no amount of money that was too much because he wanted to see my happy. He reminded me that motherhood was not a dream but we would find a way. It’s important to have a strong supportive spouse because without him I wouldn’t have my family." If Nichole could share one thing with others about this journey she had this to say: "I saw a quote online “ I still remember the days I prayed for things I have now”. The things I have now I prayed and sometimes even begged and pleaded with god for. I lost myself time and time again, I lost my faith and found it .I endured this journey for the last 7.5 years. I have been blessed to now have three living children. However I still struggling with knowing I can not conceive naturally. I wonder if I didn’t have babies in heaven would I ever have been so blessed too have the twin boys. The journey is part of the story and that is now my identity. If your going through this journey I encourage you not to give up. Do not lose your hope and tell your story let others know they are not alone."
As Christine waits for the birth of her baby, she shares the struggle to conceive:
My husband and I got married in September 2016 and immediately started trying to conceive. We always knew it may take some time, as I had been on birth control for a number of years, but after a few months, I knew something was wrong. We started by getting basic testing through my OBGYN. After fertility testing came back normal for both of us and hormone pills didn't work, he recommended that we see the specialists at Center for Reproductive Medicine here in Orlando. At first there was hope. Then again, they couldn't find any problems with the more elaborate fertility tests either. I was diagnosed shortly after with endometriosis and my specialist suggested having the surgery to clear it out. I had the surgery in March 2018 and felt a new sense of hope. The specialist told us to go home and attempt to conceive the old fashioned way for the next 6 months. Every month that went by with no luck and every post from friends who were able to conceive naturally, led to my ugly crying and breaking down. Finally, I had had enough. My husband had seen the defeat and we decided we were going back to the specialist and demanding we get more in depth help that October. We decided to give IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) a try. I had been on numerous blogs with women who said they had tried IUI 5,6,7 times with no luck, so I didn't know if I should be excited or just see this as a stepping stone to IVF. We missed the mark to start IUI that month so had to wait a few more weeks to get ahead of my next cycle. I was on 2 oral medications the weeks leading up to ovulation and then a hormone shot to the stomach 2 days before the scheduled procedure. The morning of November 25th (which just happened to be my husband's birthday) was our day. I went in and everything was easy. Then it was a waiting game--am I pregnant or is this a waste?! Everything was very procedural, and according to the plan I was to test on Dec 8, three days after my own birthday. I am an early bird and very anxious so my first pee of the day was at 6am. I took the test in the guest bath so I didn't wake my husband and so, if needed, I could have one good ugly cry to the negative test. Finally, the test was ready and I almost couldn't believe it--PREGNANT!! I came back into bed crying tears of JOY this time to tell my half asleep husband he was going to be a daddy and it's been all joy from there! Our precious angel baby girl is due August 15, 2019 and WE CAN'T WAIT!
Christine also shared that her husband and mom were her biggest support especially as she would see others share the excitement of their own pregnancies and she too longed for this same experience. It was not easy, she lost hope but she kept swimming and is so thankful for the medical advances that helped her conceive.
If you are struggling in this area, please reach out. We want to help you. We want to be your voice, a shoulder to lean on and a safe place to talk. You are not alone and we are here with you.
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